Small Triumphs

Yesterday I turned 53 and my mother was moved into a skilled nursing facility.  Turns out she broke her knee when she fell. Movement is unbearable.  She needs to eat to regain her strength, but she doesn't want to because that means she'll have to go to the bathroom and that means movement--movement accompanied by a dozen teenage helpers to accommodate her size. She feels embarrassed and fatigued.  Right now she's working with physical therapy to be able to move back to her retirement village when the break heals. I've never seen this terminally optimistic woman so disheartened.

In the past, holidays and tradition were my favorite excuses to indulge.  Certainly a birthday combined with stress over my mother's condition were good excuses, if ever there were any, to eat with abandon. A different outcome, however, requires a different choice.

I started the morning making my own on-program breakfast of eggs and fruit. I needed the shot of protein, but to keep the calories down since I expected to eat out.  After breakfast I talked my husband into going for a long walk with me.  That was good for both of us and made the time go by faster. After a shower, my daughter took me to lunch at a pub.  I picked it because I knew they had good salads, but I underestimated how difficult it would be to see and smell my daughter eat handmade stone baked pizzas and chicken wings.  I ate one chicken wing and it was SO good.  It was hard not to put my face in the plate and eat the rest.  Thankfully, my salmon and mango salad came quickly.  It was beautiful and delicious. After I got some protein in, I was less hungry and better able to ignore the pizza and wings.

Dinner was more of the same.  I splurged on a small steak, roasted asparagus, and a salad. We didn't order dessert.  Instead my husband had picked up chocolate cupcakes from a favorite bakery down the street.  I looked forward to that indulgence all day.  The icing was as good as remembered, but the cake was dry.  That was disappointing for something so anticipated.  Looking back, I enjoyed the chicken wing more than the cupcake.  (I will deny that if you bring it up in public.) I went to bed proud that I had made good choices.

I expected my weight to be up this morning. It was down.  Color me shocked.  I re-weighed myself three times to make sure the scale really meant it.  I hope it's still down tomorrow when I have to record it. It meant I could squeeze (it was snug but at least it zipped!) into a skirt for church that I couldn't wear a month ago, ten pounds ago.

Today as I watch television commercials for fast food, I'm amazed at how unappealing they are.  None of them had the appeal of the food at lunch with my daughter when it was placed in front of me. I believe there has been a small shift in my thinking which makes the television commercials less tempting. I hope it's a shift that sticks around.