Anatomy of a Walk

This morning my workout slot was taken up by helping my son get his passport.  Instead of driving all the way to the gym, I decided to just walk the neighborhood. I grossly underestimated my route.  What was supposed to be around two miles of sidewalk nods to neighbors and small hills turned into nearly four miles of, "What were you thinking?!"  Oh, and the outside temp that was overcast in the low 70's when I left, was 84 and full sun before I got home.  My internal dialog went something like this:

“I’m so smart, walking outside, saving gas.”

“Walking outside is good for me. I get lazy on the treadmill. Out here I have to do the hills.”
“My legs feel kind of fatigued.  I’m surprised they’re still recovering from Monday’s strength training.”

“Look at that yard.  I wish I could grow anything.”

“Maybe I won’t do a long walk today, I’ll turn around soon and go back.”

“That house needs shutters. Naked windows look smaller.”

“I could can turn around here. No, I’m better than this, I’ll keep going.”

“I’m going to stop at the end of this street. Oh look, that house is for sale again.”

“I think this street connects to the one at the back of the neighborhood.  If I turn here, I’ll just make a loop.  I can do that.”

“Oh. The sun came out.”

“I didn’t wear sunscreen.”

“Huh, this isn’t where I thought this road went.” (Pulls up GPS app.)

“Ok, I could just go back now, or I could still make the loop, it will just be a little longer loop. I am awesome and I’m going to do the longer loop. In for an ounce, in for a pound…”

“It’s really hot out here.  Does no one plant trees anymore?  Where’s the shade?!”

“I’m pretty sure I’m going to die out here.  I wonder if I could flag down a FedEx driver to take me home.”

“I wonder if I could dive into the back of that pick-up while it’s moving? What’s the speed limit on this road?”

“Where is my turn?” (Pulls up GPS again) “My hips and back are starting to complain.”

“OK, I can do this. It’s time to break out the ‘Annoyingly Chipper’ playlist or become statuary on this guy’s lawn.  He can mow around me.”

“Oh! I just remembered I have a chicken rice bowl already prepped for the moment when I walk in the door. And cold Pellegrino! I even have a fresh lime!  I would amputate a finger for carbonation right now.”

“Is that a hill?  I don’t remember a hill there. What fresh hell is this?!”

“This is a great playlist.  Maybe if I dance while I walk I can pretend I’m not dying.”

“Do I care if the neighbors see me dancing?  No, I don’t think I do.”

“Aw, I made that old guy smile.  People should dance more.”

“I could just sit down on this curb and take a nap.”

“There’s that stupid FedEx driver again.  Why didn’t he see my distress and offer me a ride?  Didn’t he see me dancing?  Public dancing is a sure sign of distress.  Jerk.”

“There!  Home!  That’s my house!  I live there!”

“I am amazing.”