Swimsuit Fashion Show

When you've gained enough weight, and have a virtual clothing store in your closet because you're going to "lose weight and wear that shirt again..." you learn that sizes don't mean a lot.  You can buy two pairs of the identical jeans and they will fit differently.  I have a two-piece swim suit which is basically a halter top and skorts.  It's an XL.  I've been wearing it to the pool to exercise and it's become an issue because as I've lost weight, I spend half my time pulling the bottoms up and the top down. There was a time in my California life that I never had less than six swimsuits each summer.  I had more when I was on the college diving team.  I would rotate them so the chlorine wouldn't chew through them as quickly.  Today I pulled out old suits looking for a solid one-piece that I could exercise in and not worry about it moving.  They were all size tens or less.  How did I not save anything between size ten and sixteen?  Then I pulled one out that looked larger even though the tag said "10." I made the decision to see if it would at least fit over my leg. It was snug, but I was able to pull it up without embarrassing gyrations.  It will also loosen up when it gets wet.  I'm energized to go to the pool today because I'm wearing something I couldn't wear twelve weeks ago...that I won't have to worry about flashing all the little old ladies treading around with pool noodles.

Officially Monday

Mondays are my official weigh-in day. I couldn't weigh last Monday because I was traveling. My goal was just not to gain since I knew I wouldn't have much control over my food. So over two weeks since the last time I officially weighed-in, I've lost 3.5 pounds, 1.5 pounds a week, right on track! That brings my 12 week total to 21.4, a healthy average of 1.7 pounds per week. That's actually more than I expected and it will likely slow down a bit. In fact, this is new territory; I've never lost and kept off more than 20-something pounds before. My motivation is more than vanity though so hopefully I can keep going.

Today is also my monthly body fat% check. I've dropped 1% in the last month. I'm not sure how much fat that represents, but at least it's going in the right direction!

Forward, but Backward

I hit a mini goal today. It's a strange thing to be so focused on moving forward and experiencing shadows of life in reverse. I know exactly where my weight was each time a major life event pushed me to gain, "I weighed X when I lost my father," "I weighed X when my son received his diagnosis." As I stress ate, my weight climbed to a new plateau. When the next event hit, I went up again. I always say I have not struggled with weight my whole life, because I haven't. I was a two-sport athlete in college. I coached gymnastics for >15 years and have been an experience, certified fitness instructor for 25. I actually had to learn how to gain weight when I was pregnant with my first child. My body fat% was low enough to never have regular cycles so even getting pregnant was difficult. When I was in peak condition, the trainers measured me at 12% body fat, too low for even elite female athletes. Now at 53 years old, I've spent the last 20 struggling with my weight. That's almost half. It’s true I haven’t struggled with my weight my whole life, but I have struggled nearly my entire adult life.

I made a conscious mental shift when I started "this time" to lose, that I wasn't trying to recapture something I used to have or be someone I used to be. I wanted to be the best me for right now, at this age. I wanted to keep potential medical issues from becoming real ones and minimize the symptoms that accompany the damage so many years of competitive sports did to my body. As I'm walking back down the scale, I am remembering my life the last time I was at that weight. Today's weight accompanies leaving a home we custom built in a place we loved because the company we worked for laid off about twelve thousand employees over about three years. Thankfully we were able to take a package, get a new job, and start over. But it also meant changing schools after our youngest son started high school.  It meant taking a huge loss on our home since the housing market was flooded while twelve thousand other people tried to do the same thing we were.   I can still feel the emotions of it now. As I try to let the feelings pass through me, rather than control me, hubby and I have decided to go for a bike ride. I don’t think we’ve done this in thirty-two years of marriage. This, this feels like moving forward in a way stuffing my face with cookie dough never did.

What is Health?

Health is more than what we eat. Today I saw my gyn for my annual exam, scheduled my mammogram, and got my flu shot. 😷 My blood pressure which was high-normal at my highest weight was back to just normal. Treated myself to sushi on the way home. Heading to the gym now. Oh! And this is a kind of scale victory...when I weighed in at the doctor's, I was still under 200 AFTER having eaten breakfast AND while wearing clothes. Yea! (I totally made a big deal out of pointing it out to the nurse.)