It's Good to Be Home

I got my butt up out of bed this morning and went to spin. It was good that I went so I could learn how to use the new microphone. I agreed to sub next week. Nothin like going from nothing to teaching in two weeks. I'll have to go in a few more times before I'm ready for that class.

I was really worried this morning that I was going to, I don't know, be a in a foreign land and not speak the language. But as soon as I clicked my shoes into the peddles, it felt like home. It was such a relief. My lungs protested for about the first 15 minutes and then settled in for the ride. I think if I use my inhaler earlier before class that I'll be fine on the next ride. I rode the class profile, but backed off on the tension. I'll be sore, but it's a good sore.

Blip

So, not a great weigh-in this morning. This last week wasn't a great week. I don't think the gain is truly representative, but then neither are most losses. It's always a fluid thing and the best the scale can do is give me generalities in trends. What this weigh-in does do is emphasize the need to get back in the habit of exercising. I think I'm finally getting over this lung businesses. I have a continuing education spin class on August 9th. I'd sure like to not go into that completely cold.

At just about ten pounds down, I can't say I feel it's an accomplishment. I don't feel any sense of pride by going from unable to even wear my largest fat clothes to being able to just about breathe in them. "Hungry" and I are no longer enemies, but we are still not on speaking terms.

I Think It's Time

I think it's time to start exercising again. It was actually a little hard to climbe the stairs this morning. The last dregs of this pnuemonia are still hanging on and it scares me to think about taxing my lungs to try and move more. I'm also scared of the slow down in the rate of my weight-loss. I know that's crazy talk, but I also know it will slow down. Muscle gain, increase in appetite...all potential program killers. If I could get over having to do my hair and spending the day itching from chlorine, I might even start out swimming. Swimming sounds fun. I love the water. I hate the idea of myself in a swimsuit. The pros and cons battle around in my brain while I sit still in my bathrobe at 11:00 am.

Hungry

Hungry has been pretty loud the last couple of days. I'm aware of what and when I ate and when it's appropriate to pay attention to hungry and when it's not. That knowledge doesn't make it any quieter in my head. On the suggestion of a friend I'm going to try some protien water and see if that helps put a muzzle on hungry.

I'm the Boss of Me

"Hungry" seems to be my companion these days. I choose to ignore it. It's not contsant. It's my tool, not the other way around. I'm trying to only respond to physically hungry, not emotionally hungry or stressed hungry or socially hungry, and then, with wisdom. I am not my stomach, but I will be if I don't choose to be the boss of me.

Still Backing Away From the Edge of the Cliff

I think I did pretty well for my first holiday test. The Fourth of July to me is potlucks and barbecues with all the food none of us eat except at those events. I brought diet soda with me and drank one to fill up my stomach with bubbles before we ate. I also brought a divided plate. I filled the largest part with spinach salad and the small sections with fruit and baked chicked (peeled the skin off). I'm sure there was plenty of naughty dressing on the salad, but it was day about making a better choice. I only had a bite of the brownies I brought.

Later when we barbecued with friends, I wanted steak so I had it, but cut down the proportion to a proper size, had a bite of the macaroni salad I love, and filled the rest of the plate with zucchini. Again, just a bite of dessert. Later when we went to the movies, I was too full to want anything from the snack counter.

I felt the day was successful. Sunday, I wasn't ready yet to journal again and think hard about making good choices. But I was content to read and try again to be at peace with my perception of hungry. This morning I weighed in without a gain, I'm back to journaling and feel good about the weekend. It doesn't feel like a success when you're just trying to fix something that's broken, put it back the way it was or should be. I feel rather like I'm biding my time while my body does all the work. Until I can exercise again, time is the only thing that will give me the changes I'm trying to make.

Being Intentional

Today was the first day that "hungry" was hard to ignore. I just didn't get enough calories in early enough in the day. Watching the clock is the hardest part of watching my diet. When I eat early, I seem to run out of calories before I run out of day. When I don't get enough calories early on, I over-eat later.

So I did a web search for a visual to go with my hunger. I was stunned when this picture came up. It's so graphic and representative of how I feel sometimes. Not full to exploding, rather full of everything with no thought or intention. Eating mindlessly. Being intentional is harder some days that others.

Cook Yourself Thin

I've really been enjoying the Cook Yourself Thin cookbook. It's mostly made of food I actually eat, not the things authors feel a need to include in an effort to appeal to everyone. I don't personally know anyone who loves curry. Nor am I willing to eat bad chocolate cake for 300 calories when the original is 350. Not only is this a great cookbook for the average soccor mom who eats on the run and demands her comfort foods in times of stress, but so far, the recipes actually taste good. They are tastey recipes in and of themselves, not some watered down, tasteless, or worse - wrong tasting version of the original. This morning I made Portabello Eggs Benedict with Red Pepper Sauce. Very tastey and I swear I didn't miss the bread!