Daring to Hope

Hope isn't always a good thing. When you've been heavy for a long time, the weight-loss industry as a whole wants to motivate you into using their products on the hope that something could be different "this time." I've spent the last year working with my trainer to the utter frustration of us both. I've worked out twice a day, dropped calories, changed the ratio of calories consumed and all to little or no effect on my weight. Realizing that something was at play other than simple "diet math", my trainer Chris Brown sent me to a Sports Nutritionist. Her specialty is performance athletes who have challenging nutritional needs. Being a former athlete and knowing probably too much for my own good, Dawn Weatherwax was excited by the challenge to work with me and get some useful answers. I made an appointment and went to see her last Wednesday.

Two hours after walking into her office, I had some answers and some specific follow-up advice. First she took an extensive history, looked at my habits, asked questions about my genetics, medications, diseases that run in the extended family and so forth. Then she did metabolic testing to see where my Resting Metabolic Rate was working. My guess would have been too slow. In reality, pleasantly high. High enough, in fact, that it was clear I wasn't eating enough. When I tried "normal" diet reductions between

1200 and 1500 calories, my body was hanging on to fat for dear life, literally. So, I have been instructed to eat more, 2000 calories on average per day. I LOVE this idea. Thinking back over my life, especially as an athlete, it makes perfect sense. I've always performed better when I ate more. Of course there was cautions about eating nutritionally dense foods, but still, the food blessing was a wonderful thing. I started tracking my food anew today.

Dawn gave me the title of a book she wants me to read. I downloaded it to my Ipad and have been reading it in spare moments. I like what I'm reading so far. The book is titled Ultrametabolism by Dr. Mark Hyman. I'll post some reviews as I go. Dawn also gave me some specific blood work to have done and address the results with my doctor, some things about my workout she wanted me to discuss with Chris, and then she brought up the mental/emotional aspect of all this. She noted that while I may not be anorexic or bulimic, I was definitely "controlling" with my food, even if it was to make the statement through my choices, "I can eat what I want." As I tried to downplay the statement she interrupted me to prove her point. She said, "For example I can tell just by looking at your body language and facial expression that if I asked you to give up wheat for two weeks you would look at me and say, 'I don't think so...'." She had me dead on. No one had ever put it quite that way to me before. When I told Chris he thought it was hysterical and then added, "I'm glad it was her telling you and not me!" What? This wasn't news to him after reading all my food logs for the last year?! Guess I'm not as cool a cucumber as I thought.

Still, over the weekend, before I started tracking my food again today, I allowed myself to hope. I allowed myself to think of what it would be like to move through my day, interact with people, and feel about myself if I were carrying significantly less weight on this petite frame.