Backing Away From the Edge

So I journaled and paid attention to my numbers yesterday. It was hard. I don't like being hungry, even if it's not physically hungry. It's an uncomfortable and uncertain place to exist. Thanks to shedding of fluid, I'm actually down a couple of pounds this morning. I feel like I'm still out on that cliff that falls over into the gross obesity that is the genetic potential of my DNA, but I've backed away from the edge. Can I keep backing up? I have to keep mentally bringing up recent pictures of myself that tell the true story of my weight and realize just how close I still am to the edge.

All Out of Clothes

Yesterday was Sunday again. I had NOTHING to wear to church. While we were on vacation last week I bought a new blouse. Truthfully, I should have bought it a size larger. I paired it with a skirt two sizes too small...just didn't zip the zipper all the way and kept the blouse untucked. I used to roll my eyes at people who would squeeze themselves into clothing that was clearly too small. The ultimate test seems to always be puffy sleeves. Why don't they just buy some bigger clothes I would think? Don't they know they look ridiculous? They're not fooling anyone but themselves. Yet as I faced my closet, it was the only choice. So why don't I go shopping today? Because I don't want to own one more article of clothing as a momument to the size I am now. I have to believe this is a temporary state or change won't even be a possibility.

I still getting over pneumonia. The steroids were good for another 8 pounds up. EIGHT POUNDS! *sigh*

I'm truly out of clothes. I'm sitting here in the equivilant of a muumuu. It's an old t-shirt dress with no waist, but it is floral and feels like a sofa cover. I don't have any more time to lament and talk about it. I have to make some changes and make them stick. I can't start the school year looking and feeling like this.

Thanks to the pneumonia, I still can't exercise, but I'm going to remember that I have control over my diet.